Friday, 8 September 2017

Sensitive Me Feeling Blah

I have traveled far the past few weeks both physically and mentally.  Both journeys worth taking but both took a lot out of me.

Truthfully I've been feeling very sad for a couple of weeks and have only just now gotten myself in hand.  I'm not even sure sad is the right word...maybe melancholic would suit better.  Hubby has termed me pensive.

My physical travel since talking to you last included visiting my grandparent's community in Newfoundland.  It is a haunting kind of place on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean and evokes deep feelings in me; I'm always very nostalgic and teary while there and this time was no different.
 On the end of that trip I stayed with my mother.  Though visiting her is always wonderful, it is always a wrench to leave her and for some reason, this time was especially so. Mom and I were always very close; she had me when she was just 17 and always said we grew up together. The whole flight home that took me further and further away from her was difficult for me.  I felt like I was abandoning her which in reality is a state that exists only in my mind.

  But I don't know if that is the source of my general malaise. Here are some other things that upset me....

 Three people I knew well died this summer which got me down.  I've given time to each...thinking back over various memories of each of them. I cannot believe they are really gone and that their life's journey is done.  That seems impossible and so sad to me.

 I heard of several others fighting what is often called a courageous fight against cancer.  May it also be a victorious fight for them.

 My littler grandson just started Junior Kindergarten and while I'm so happy about that, my babysitting services will no longer be needed.  I really loved my time with him and will miss it so much. There is something so grounding about being with little children and participating in their world.  But now more of my time stretches...

 The world in general continues to be an unsteady, turbulent place with hateful news.

I thought I was doing okay with this aging thing, but perhaps not. I realize now that I can accept the deaths of people in their 80's a lot better than those dying who are my age.   I just don't know.

Maybe my mood is being influenced by none, some or all of these things.  I always knew I was sensitive but I didn't think I was so egocentric.

But thankfully I'm finally feeling the need today to talk to you again and begin to get back on track. Thank you for checking in with me from time to time.  I really appreciated it.

And I have been stitching and knitting trying to shed some of these blah feelings through busying my fingers.
Hope your August was anything but blah!